Alibi Haggen
by Zanza8
Summary: Festus' cousin comes to town with a secret that could blow the lid off Dodge.
1. Chapter 1

"Well, for Heaven's sake," said Doc, peering out the window of the jail. "Matt, come here, quick! Look at that...I think another Haggen has come to town."

The marshal joined Doc and grinned. A young man was riding up Front Street. This was hardly an unusual sight, but the fellow in question was bareback on a mule, his clothes were tattered, and he chewed a piece of straw about a foot long. Seeing the jail he pulled up and slid off his animal, tying it to the rail. Matt and Doc exchanged a glance and went outside.

"Howdy, stranger," said Matt.

The man looked him over. He was covered with dust but had a nice face and his dark hazel eyes were as bright as a squirrel's. He spat out the straw. "You the lawman in this here town?"

"That's right."

"I heered my cousin Festus was a friend of yourn."

"Oh, so you're a Haggen," said Doc triumphantly.

The stranger glanced at Doc. "Well, 'course I'm a Haggen! Now do you fellers know where I can find my cousin or don'tcha?"

Matt pushed his hat back on his head. "You wouldn't be looking for him to take a shot at him, would you?"

"No." The man smiled, showing very white teeth. "I got me a problem I need some help with and Festus bein' the smart one in the family..."

Doc's eyes widened. "The smart one?"

"Smartest one we ever had, 'ceptin' Grandpa Hawg Haggen."

"Of course," said the old man, running his hand over his face to hide a smile.

Matt cleared his throat. "Well, I don't know where Festus is now but he'll probably be at the Longbranch later on." He pointed to the saloon. "Why don't you stop by when the sun goes down?" The stranger nodded and started to untie his mule and the marshal asked, "If I do see Festus, who should I say is looking for him?"

The man swung up onto the back of his mule in one easy motion and touched his hat brim. "Alibi Haggen at yore service."


	2. Chapter 2

"Alibi?" Kitty shook her head.

Matt grinned. "That's what he said his name was, right, Doc?"

The old man nodded, sipping his whiskey. They were at their favorite back table in the Longbranch when they heard a familiar jingle of spurs and Festus came in with the stranger. Doc waved them over, then said, "Ask him yourself if you don't believe us, Kitty."

"Ask who what?" Festus had reached the table and tipped his hat to Kitty, smiling. "Miss Kitty, look who wuz waitin' 'round outside! This here is my cousin, Alibi Haggen. Alibi, I want you to meet Miss Kitty Russell. She owns the Longbranch. And this is Marshal Matthew Dillon and Doc Adams."

"I already met the doctor and the marshal, cousin." Alibi pulled off his hat and smiled at Kitty. He had washed up and combed his hair and it was easy to see the family resemblance to Festus. "It's a pure pleasure to acquaintance you, ma'am." He offered his hand to Matt. "Marshal." They shook and he reached for Doc's hand. "Doctor."

Doc shook hands. "Everybody calls me Doc."

The young man smiled. "Doc."

"Well, don't just stand there, cousin! Set yoreself down whilst I get us a couple beers." Festus went to the bar and returned with two mugs. Handing one to his cousin, he sat down and took a long swallow. "What wuz you fixin' on askin' 'bout, Miss Kitty?"

Kitty's mouth opened and closed. She looked sternly at Doc and the old man said innocently, "Why, the fact of the matter is, we were just wondering about your cousin's unusual name, Festus."

Alibi smiled. "Foot, Doc, that ain't my real name."

Festus chimed in. "His real name's Richard, but we got in the habit of callin' him Alibi 'cause he draws trouble like a summer melon draws flies." Matt, Doc and Kitty traded looks and the hillman went on hastily, "He ain't never did nothin' unlawsome, Matthew. It's just somehow he's alwuz gettin' blamed for somethin' or other."

"That's a pure ol'dee fact, marshal," said Alibi. "I had to come up with a alibi so much folks just started callin' me Alibi." He laughed. "Festus, do you recollect the time that feller thought I'd stole his horse?"

Festus snorted. "What I recollect is buckshot flyin' when he come to the camp to get it back." The other three were trading looks again and the hillman assumed a virtuous expression. "Alibi and me wuz out huntin' and he found this here horse runnin' wild on the prairie."

"It didn't have no saddle or nothin'...I thought it busted loose from somewheres so I brung it back to the camp to ask Festus what to do with it, and the feller it b'longed to seen me and follered me," said Alibi, taking up the story. "It wuz all just what you might call a misunderstandin' and it worked out all right in the end, didn't it, Festus?"

"If'n you call a backside fulla buckshot all right, I reckon it did." Festus finished his beer and regarded his cousin suspiciously. "What would you be comin' to town for?"

Alibi looked around the table. "Well, that would be kinda fam'ly bizness, Festus. You got someplace we can jaw, private like?"

Festus bit his lip. "Alibi, I don't want to seem unmannersome but the last time we jawed 'bout fam'ly bizness I got throwed down a well." Doc snickered, then winced as Kitty kicked him under the table. The hillman looked appealingly at his cousin. "You ain't in trouble now, are you?"

"No." Alibi drained his beer. "I ain't fixin' to be neither. That's why I need yore help."

"My help." Festus sighed and got to his feet. "Well, all right, I been workin' at the stable and I got a room out back. I s'pose we can talk there."


	3. Chapter 3

"...that's the straight of it, Festus," said Alibi. The two young men looked pensively at a small leather sack laying on the crate next to Festus' bunk. "What with them Dooley's trailin' me and me carryin' the future of the Haggens..."

Festus sighed. "I can see yore in a real pickle. We got to figger some way of gettin' them Dooleys off yore back or you ain't never goin' to make it." He picked up the little bag and tossed it up and down in his hand. "And we got to keep this safe till you leave town, so here's what we'll do. We'll just go on over to the bank..."

"Festus, they ain't no need goin' to the bank," said Alibi. "I ain't got but two bits and I ain't 'bout to put it in no bank."

Festus shook his head impatiently. "Will you just hush up! Mr Bodkin has got a safe at the bank and he can put this in the safe and it'll be safe in the safe, don'tcha see?"

Alibi frowned. "You sure you can trust this feller, Festus? This here's mighty important, you know."

Festus leaned forward and put a hand on his cousin's shoulder. "Alibi, we'll go on over first thing in the mornin' and put this in the safe. You'll see they ain't a thing in the world can go wrong."


	4. Chapter 4

Festus and Alibi came out of the bank and started towards the Longbranch and three dirty faces withdrew around the corner. Jefferson Dooley put his hands on Reb and Truly's shoulders and pulled them into a huddle. "We got to study on this, boys."

Reb looked over his shoulder. "Jefferson, what do you s'pose they wuz doin' in the bank?"

Jefferson shook his head. "I don't know! That's why we got to study on it."

They all fell silent for a moment, then Truly brightened. "Jefferson, what if'n they wuz puttin' it in the bank?"

Jefferson frowned. "It ain't money."

"I know that!" said Truly. "But I've heerd tell folks sometimes puts val'ables in the bank for safe keepin'. They ain't nothin' more val'able'n that, is there?"

"You may be right." Jefferson scratched his head. "But if'n that's what they done, how're we gonna get it now?"

Reb pulled Jefferson's sleeve. "We could rob the bank."

Jefferson cuffed him on the head. "You tryin' to get us all killed?"

Reb swung back and Truly grabbed them both. "Y'all better simmer down 'fore you draw a crowd!"

They looked around apprehensively in all directions, then Reb smoothed his hair and said with vast dignity, "I warn't fixin' on takin' no money. I wuz just thinkin' if'n we wuz to go in now with our faces covered up we could get it away from that bank feller and he wouldn't even know who done it."

Jefferson's face lit up. "Reb, that ain't a bad idea at that." He laughed and clapped his brother on the back. "Matter of fact, I'd have to say it's fool-proof!"


	5. Chapter 5

Matt poured a cup of coffee and handed it to Mr Bodkin, the bank manager, then sat down. "You say you didn't see anything?"

Bodkin shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck. "I was bending over to take some money out of the safe and somebody hit me. I never even heard them come in."

"How much did they get?"

"That's the strange thing, marshal," said Bodkin. "There was over ten thousand dollars in the safe and they didn't take any of it."

"Mr Bodkin, that just doesn't make any sense." Matt frowned. "Are you saying somebody got in the bank this morning and attacked you just to look in the safe?"

"Maybe they were after more than ten thousand dollars," said Bodkin. He lowered his voice. "You know that gold shipment from St Louis is coming in a couple of days...what if they just wanted to get a good look at the safe?"

"That could be," said the marshal, "but since you didn't see anything and they didn't take anything I don't know what I can do about it."

"Well, you could start by picking them up!" Bodkin's voice went up. "I told you who they were. It was Festus Haggen and some cousin of his from the hills and they wanted to put this in the safe." He tossed the leather bag on Matt's desk.

"What is it?"

"I don't know and I don't care!" said Bodkin hotly. "It certainly isn't something that belongs in a bank safe, but they only wanted me to hold onto it for a day or two. I told them I'd put it in the safe first time I opened it up and they left." He rubbed his neck again. "This is what I get for trying to show a little kindness...it couldn't have been ten minutes after those two Haggens came in that I was attacked."

"That doesn't prove they're the ones who attacked you!"

Bodkin stood up. "I'm going over to Doc now and have him check my head." He opened the door and looked back at Matt. "If you don't want to do your duty I'm sure Washington can send someone who will."


	6. Chapter 6

Festus gloomily regarded his cousin through the bars of the cell. "Alibi, I know how you feel but we got to tell the marshal now. Matthew and me's got to be friends...I'm thinking you'd ort to be able to take my word you can trust him."

Alibi stopped pacing and gripped the bars. "How can you be so sure?"

"Well..." Festus bit his lip. "One thing I am pretty plum sure of, and that's if'n you don't tell him the truth we're goin' to be held for breakin' into the bank, not to mention Mr Bodkin gettin' cracked on the noggin. First thing to do if'n you find yoreself in a hole is quit diggin'. Now are you goin' to talk to Matthew or ain'tcha?"

Alibi slumped on the cot. "It goes plum 'gainst everythin' we wuz ever taught." He looked up and saw the anxiety in his cousin's face and blew out his breath. "All right, Festus. All right...you can get him."

Festus went to the door. "Matthew!"

Matt came in. "Well?"

"Alibi here's ready to talk to you."

The marshal held up the leather bag. "I hope one of you is planning to explain this."

"I'll leave that to Alibi, Matthew." The marshal unlocked the cell and they went into the office. Festus busied himself with the coffeepot and they all waited in silence until the coffee was done and Festus handed it around, sitting across from his cousin.

Alibi took a gulp, then shook his head appreciatively. "It's a mite watery, cousin, but I see you still know how to make coffee."

Matt looked incredulously at Alibi and took a cautious swallow from his own cup. Making a face, he got the sugar bowl and added several spoonfuls, then tasted it again. "Festus, did you wash the coffeepot before you made this?"

The hillmen exchanged puzzled glances. "Matthew, you don't wash a coffeepot. You'd wash all the flavor right out," said Festus. "You just throw out the grounds from the last batch."

"Throw out the grounds!" Alibi was startled. "Is that what you done? No wonder this ain't as stout as it ort to be."

Matt sighed with exasperation. "Do you two mind if we get down to business?" He handed Alibi the leather bag. "Mr Bodkin said you took that to the bank right before he was attacked. He thinks you were just using it to get the safe open so you could get a look at it."

"That's a dang lie!" snapped Festus. "That there is the most val'ablest thing us Haggens has ever had and we wuz just tryin' to keep it safe. Cousin, you tell Matthew what that is."

Alibi got up and looked out the door, then sat back down and leaned forward, dropping his voice. "Marshal Dillon, this here is Grandpa Hawg Haggen's secret recipe for moonshine." Matt stared at him and Alibi smiled. "You may well look surprised, sir. None of us didn't never think this would see the light of day, but when The Great Annual Tri-State Moonshine Comp'tition betwixt Missouri and Kansas come up again..."

The marshal's lips moved soundlessly for a moment, then he managed to say, "I don't think I've ever heard of it."

Festus grinned. "Well, it's not like it's advertised in the newspapers, Matthew. You'd ort to feel honored...I b'lieve yore the first lawman to not get shot for findin' out 'bout it."

Matt blinked, then said gravely, "Well, Festus, this is certainly a moment I'll never forget." The hillman smiled and they both looked expectantly at Alibi.

Alibi's fingers stroked the soft leather. "It's a big thing, the annual comp'tition. It only comes up ever' five or six years, and Grandpa Hawg Haggen won four times in a row. When he died...well, us Haggens thought the secret died with him. Now I brew up a fair jug of shine, marshal, so I thought when the comp'tition come up again I'd go for it, but I didn't have no great expectations of winnin'. Then Grandma Hawg Haggen sent for me and give me this..." He paused, overcome by the memory, "...to uphold the honor of the family." He sniffed noisily and Festus put his hand over his cousin's while Matt struggled to maintain his composure. Finally Alibi went on. "Old man Dooley wuz alwuz tryin' to beat Grandpa Hawg Haggen. I guess when I went to see Grandma Hawg Haggen the Dooleys figgered what it wuz 'bout and they been trailin' me ever since. I got to thinkin' if'n anybody could get 'em off me it'd be cousin Festus, so I come to Dodge. We wuz just lookin' to keep this safe whilst we studied on what to do..."

"And I tolt him the safest place in town would be the bank safe," said Festus, "only as it turned out the bank safe warn't as safe as it usu'lly is when somethin' needs to be kept safe..."

Matt held up a hand. "Don't start that again." He thought for a moment, then said, "Well, Alibi, I'm afraid I'm going to have to keep you locked up a little longer."

The young man looked angrily at his cousin and Festus jumped to his feet. "Matthew, you tolt me if'n we wuz to tell you the straight of it you'd let him go!"

The marshal stood up. "There's the little matter of Mr Bodkin being attacked."

Festus clenched his fists. "Are you sayin' you still think he done it?"

"No, I never thought he did it!" snapped Matt. Festus looked bewildered and the marshal took a deep breath. "Look, Mr Bodkin threatened to contact Washington if I didn't arrest you both. Ordinarily I wouldn't pay attention to something like that but I needed to know what was going on. Now that I do, I also have a pretty good idea who did break into the bank."

Festus gritted his teeth. "The Dooleys."

Matt nodded. "And I've also got an idea about catching them but I need your help..."


	7. Chapter 7

Festus crashed through the swinging doors of the Longbranch, glared around the room, then pounded on the bar. "Sam! Gimme a bottle'a whiskey!" The bartender brought a bottle and a glass and Festus pulled the cork with his teeth and spit it across the room. He poured a shot, gulped it down, and snarled, "That ain't no proper drinkin' whiskey! Ain't you got no more Tow's Lightnin'?"

Kitty had observed the hillman's behavior thus far without saying anything, but now she approached him and asked severely, "Festus, what in the world is the matter with you?"

He whipped around so fast she felt an instant of alarm, but then he hung his head. "Oh, Miss Kitty, I don't mean to be unmannersome. I just come from that...that marshal's, and I'm so mad I could smoke a pickle."

Kitty looked at Sam. "Can you get us some coffee?"

"I don't have any made but I could go to Delmonico's."

"That's fine, Sam." The bartender left and she patted Festus on the shoulder. "Now why don't you sit down and tell me about it. What's this about Matt?"

"Ain't nothin' to tell, Miss Kitty." The hillman slumped against the bar. "He locked up Alibi tighter'n a tick and he's holdin' him for the judge."

He reached for the bottle of whiskey and Kitty laid a gentle hand on his arm. "Festus, why don't you wait for the coffee? Getting drunk isn't going to help your cousin. Come on, let's go sit down."

He allowed her to lead him to a table and when she reached for a chair he pulled it out for her. Sam came back in with a pot of coffee, the three Dooleys slinking behind him. They gathered at a table next to the door while the bartender brought the coffee to Kitty.

She smiled at him. "Thanks, Sam."

He smiled back. "You're welcome, Miss Kitty."

He went back to the bar and Kitty poured a cup and handed it to Festus. "There you go, Festus."

The hillman took a swallow, then set the cup down and said miserably, "Miss Kitty, right now I'm feelin' lower'n a snake what's been through a wringer. Here my cousin comes to me for help and now he'll prob'ly get a year in jail..." He slammed his hand on the table. "I cain't even take over for him 'cause the marshal got all Alibi's personals in his desk and he says he's keepin' everythin' there till the trial. Says it's ev'dence and he won't turn it loose till the judge can eyeball it and then mebbe I can have it." Festus' voice rose angrily. "That judge ain't gonna be here for two weeks and I tolt him that'd be too late but he didn't pay me no heed a'tall!"

Kitty did her best to soothe Festus as Sam watched from the bar. Unnoticed, the Dooleys slipped out the door.


	8. Chapter 8

Matt came out of the jail, stretching and yawning. He looked up the street at the Longbranch, then closed up and started for the saloon. Three shadows detached themselves from the dark alley and crept around to the front door. Jefferson tried the knob, turning it gently, then slowly pushed the door open. Reb and Truly crowded against him and he stumbled through the doorway and turned on them. "Cain't you two watch where yore goin'?"

They looked around in all directions, then Reb spotted Matt's desk. "Over here!" He pulled open the drawer, rooting through the papers, then crowed in triumph. "I got it!"

"You got it, all right." Festus leaned against the side door, pointing his gun. The Dooleys jumped, then rushed for the front door, jamming as they tried to go through at the same time. Matt strolled up and leisurely drew his gun from its holster.

"Festus, what do we have here?"

The Dooleys moved back as the marshal came forward. Festus waved his gun and said, "Why, I caught these three yahoos pawin' through yore desk, Matthew." He walked over to them and took the leather bag from Reb. "Looked to me like they wuz stealin' somethin'. Ain't that a ser'ous crime, robbin' a marshal's desk?"

Matt bit back a smile and regarded the Dooleys somberly. "It is. I'm holding you three on charges of breaking and entering and suspicion of bank robbery."

"Now wait a minute!" exclaimed Truly. "Ever'body knows it wuz Alibi Haggen broke in the bank and hit that feller over the head!"

Jefferson rolled his eyes as the marshal asked, "How did you know Mr Bodkin got hit on the head? I didn't tell anybody and neither did he. The only other ones to know about it are the ones who did it." He opened the door to the cells and took down the keys. "Gentlemen."


	9. Chapter 9

Matt, Doc and Kitty were sitting at their favorite back table in the Longbranch when they heard a familiar jingle of spurs and Festus bounced through the swinging doors. He was carrying a small stoneware jug and when he saw them he headed straight for the table and plunked the jug on it. "Matthew, Miss Kitty, Doc, look at what Alibi sent us!" He gestured excitedly to Sam. "Sam, c'mon over and brang some glasses! I got us a jug of the whiskey that won The Great Annual Tri-State Moonshine Comp'tition!" Sam brought the glasses and Festus poured a generous measure in each one, then raised his own. "This here's to you, Matthew, for helpin' out the Haggens in their hour of need."

Matt glared at Doc as the old man said solemnly, "Yes, indeed, Marshal Dillon, I'll drink to that. It certainly is an honor to drink to the man who freed the winner of the Moonshine Competition, enabling him to reach greater heights of glory."

Kitty's mouth twitched as she tried to hide a smile and Sam grinned widely as they all drank the toast. They smacked their lips, trading glances of surprise. "Festus, that's very good," said Kitty.

Sam poured another shot and tossed it off. "It really is."

Festus smiled proudly. "That's Grandpa Hawg Haggen's secret recipe for you."

Matt took the jug from Sam and topped up his glass. "I'm impressed myself."

Doc was looking puzzled. "Festus, I wish you'd explain something to me."

The hillman sipped from his glass with the air of a connoisseur. "What's that, Doc?"

"Can Alibi read?"

Festus shook his head. "Cain't none of us read. Grandpa Hawg Haggen was the onliest readin' Haggen we ever had."

Doc took another swallow. "By golly, that is good. Festus, if Alibi can't read how could he follow your grandfather's recipe?"

Festus put his glass down and looked around the table, then leaned forward and dropped his voice. "I'll tell y'all, but you got to give me yore most sacredest oaths you won't never breathe a word." Matt, Kitty, Doc and Sam all nodded and murmured various promises and Festus sunk his voice still further so they all had to lean over to hear him. "It ain't a recipe 'xactly, Doc. It's more like a secret ingredient." They were holding their breath as he whispered, "It's a bezzer."

They all looked at each other, bewildered, and Doc asked, "What's a bezzer?"

Festus was surprised. "You don't know what a bezzer is?" They shook their heads and the hillman looked woefully at them. "I declare I don't know what the world is comin' to. A bezzer..." He paused impressively, "...is a stone from the stomach of a goat."

"Oh, a bezoar!" Doc said. Festus shushed him frantically and he lowered his voice. "What do you do with a bezoar?"

"Grind it up and throw it in the still." Festus swallowed more whiskey and smiled at his friends. "That's what gives it that flavor."

Kitty's face turned green. Sam and Matt froze, staring at the jug with deadpan expressions, and Doc's eyes widened until he looked like a scared owl. Festus poured another shot and gestured with the jug. "Y'all want some more?"

Sam shook his head. "I've got to get back to the bar."

Kitty rose unsteadily to her feet. "And I've got to check the inventory..." Sam offered his arm and Kitty held onto it as they walked away.

The marshal got up. "I just remembered an important telegram I've been expecting." He took the jug from Festus and topped up Doc's glass. "There you go, Doc." The old man looked up menacingly and Matt beat a hasty retreat.

Festus tossed off his drink and refilled his glass. "Well, it's too bad they all had to leave so sudden like, Doc, but this jug's 'bout done anyway." He smiled. "We got just enough left for one more toast. What'll it be?"

The old man looked down into his glass, his stomach churning, then up at Festus. The hillman's gentle hazel eyes were glowing with pride and the excuse Doc was ready with died on his lips. He cleared his throat impressively and held up his glass. "On this occasion, with this...er, this unique beverage, I can think of only one thing to drink to." He steeled himself. "Here's to friendship."

And Festus and Doc clinked glasses and drank.


End file.
